


Difference

by whoawonho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friendship/Love, I don't know what's gonna happen myself, Love Triangles, M/M, Multipairings, One-Sided Relationship, more like love rectangles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:55:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6403888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoawonho/pseuds/whoawonho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wonho always looked after Hyungwon while Hyungwon always took care of Wonho.<br/>They were like the perfect couple that everyone was envious of, only that Hyungwon wished they were a real couple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

“Ahh… Why is your bed always comfier than mine?” Wonho complained cutely while he casually sneaked into his flatmate’s warm bed.

Wonho turned to the still-sleeping Hyungwon and pouted when he didn’t receive a response.

“Yah Hyungwonie~, Wake up~ We’re gonna be late.”

“Mmmhm.” Finally awake, sleepy Hyungwon lazily responded without any signs of movement.

“Breakfast is nearly ready, don’t snooze for too long okay?” Wonho gave Hyungwon’s head a gentle pat before heading back to the kitchen.

Waking up his flatmate has always been a bit of a mission for Wonho since Hyungwon’s favourite activity was sleeping; after using countless methods he figured that food was the only way to wake Hyungwon up, eventually anyways.

 

Woken by the smell, Hyungwon finally got up after squirming in bed for a few more moments.

Hyungwon has always hated mornings, he hated having to wake up and he hated having to leave his warm bed, but has always loved waking up to the smell of Wonho’s breakfast and how Wonho has pre-squeezed toothpaste for him every morning.

It obviously doesn’t save Hyungwon a lot of time, but he loved Wonho’s sweet little gesture, as much as he loved his flatmate and best friend, Wonho.

 

They first met when Wonho’s family moved next to Hyungwon when they were teenagers, they then went to the same school, same university and took the same course; after living in the university dorms in their first year, they rented a flat together.

They spent almost everyday during the years together; they hung out together, studied together, walked to school and back together, grew up together, did everything together.

Wonho always looked after Hyungwon while Hyungwon always took care of Wonho, people were always shocked to find out that they were best friends and not in fact dating because of how they interacted.

They were like the perfect couple that everyone was envious of, only that Hyungwon wished they were a real couple.

 

Sometimes even Hyungwon got confused about their relationship.

He was positive that they had mutual feelings towards each other; they reciprocated each other’s affection, they flirted with each other, looked after each other, had regular dates and so forth, but yet they weren’t going out.

Maybe because neither of them have seemed to have made the first move. Hyungwon has been waiting for Wonho to make ‘that move’ because it must have been obvious enough that he really liked Wonho so he never understood Wonho’s actions, or the lack of it.

But he was scared,

 _W_ _hat if he doesn’t like me the way I do? What if ‘that move’ was a bad move?_ He thought to himself.

If a wrong move could make him lose Wonho, he’d rather stay in the same spot forever.

 

———

 

As lecture was about to start, Hyungwon tried his best to stay awake in his seat, but the cold weather was not helping him.

Unable to control his eyelids and about to doze off any second, he felt a sudden warmth on his left cheek. Shocked, he opened his eyes to see Wonho holding a cup out to him.

“Hot chocolate. It will help to wake you up.” Wonho said as he handed the cup to Hyungwon with a smile as warm as the cup.

Impressed, Hyungwon nodded before having a sip of the drink Wonho quickly sneaked out to get him before their lecture started.

“Careful, don’t burn your pretty lips.” Wonho warned with a wink.

Thanks to Wonho’s attentiveness, staying awake in their boring lecture wasn’t as difficult. Well it’s not that the lecture was that unbearable, it was just that Hyungwon didn’t like this course, he didn’t even want to go to university in the first place.

 

Hyungwon has always hated school; he was smart but was just always tired and sleepy at the same time.

He didn’t like having to do the same thing everyday, he liked to be free, be creative and be unrestricted, he was artistic.

All he wanted was for school to quickly finish so he can achieve his dream but this dream ironically vanished the first time they discussed their dreams in their teenage years.

Wonho confessed that he wanted to go to university because his dream was to become a lawyer;

“What about you, Hyungwonie?”

He has never revealed much about himself because he always pretended to coincidently like whatever Wonho liked, so he didn’t know how to respond. To tell the truth and possibly never see Wonho again after school, or just lie?

 

“Lawyer. I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer too!” Hyungwon chose to lie, it was silly, but he just didn’t want be separated with Wonho because the first time they met, Hyungwon immediately fell in love with Wonho.

Sometimes Hyungwon regretted lying to Wonho, after all, pretending to be into something he wasn’t totally defeated his wish for freedom.

But for Wonho, Hyungwon hung in there, they’re already in their final year, it really wasn’t as bad as Hyungwon thought, at least he got to spend everyday with Wonho. To him, it was totally worth it.

 

Their lecture ended right at Hyungwon’s last sip of hot chocolate, he was slightly amused by his timing until he spotted the grin on Wonho’s face,

“I got the large one on purpose, I knew you’d finish it bang on time.”

Impressed yet again, but tried to hide his emotions so Wonho wouldn’t get too cocky

“Oh yeah right because you’re psychic huh?” 

“Nope. I just know you too~ damn~ well~”

 _You think._ Hyungwon thought, but didn’t say out loud.

 _“_ Yeah yeah whatever, let’s go meet the guys, Mr. Psychic.” He tried to change the subject as he went to throw away the empty cup.

 

They headed to a study room where them and a few friends usually hung out after lectures; the room was pretty far compared to other study rooms so people rarely came to this room, which was perfect for them.

Like usual, Minhyuk, Kihyun and Changkyun were already there,

“Where’s Jooheon?” Hyungwon asked,

“He’ll be here in a sec, he said there’s a new guy in his course so he’s gonna take him here.”

Jooheon the social butterfly entered the room with the new guy as Kihyun was speaking.

 

“Hey guys, this is Shownu,” Jooheon introduced,

“He just transferred to our university.”

New guy timidly greeted them one by one with a robotic smile on his face, until his eyes met with Wonho.

New guy slightly smirked at the way Wonho was staring at him.

Wonho couldn’t take his eyes off the new guy which Hyungwon seemed to have noticed; Hyungwon would be lying if he said he wasn’t already slightly jealous of New guy.

He was always proud of his model-like-figure, but he noticed the way Wonho was checking Shownu’s muscular body out,

_He’s never looked at me like that._


	2. Two

After all their lectures of the day ended, Minhyuk excitedly suggested that they’ll show Shownu around the campus area which the guys agreed to; but walking around in this cold weather was really not Hyungwon’s thing and honestly, he didn’t want Wonho to spend time with Shownu so he politely rejected. As he said goodbye to the guys he noticed Wonho did not walk with him like he always did, confused, Hyungwon stopped and gaped at Wonho;

“…Are you… not coming back with me…?”  
He never thought he’d have to ask since they’ve always went home together, always.  
The atmosphere was slightly tense, none of the guys knew whether to say anything or not. Wonho looked at the guys awkwardly, and back to Hyungwon.

“…I think I’ll go with them for a bit, I won’t be long okay?” Wonho smiled, attempting to lighten up the atmosphere, but at the same time, he did not want to act too intimate with Hyungwon in front of Shownu.  
Shownu may be new to the group and a robot but even he sensed the awkwardness. Everyone’s reactions raised many questions in Shownu’s mind, but he supposed it wasn’t the right time to ask.

Trying to hide his disappointment, Hyungwon smiled back and said goodbye to the group. It was the first time since they met that he walked home alone, their flat has never been this quiet because Hyungwon has never been here alone. The house felt as empty as his heart. He has never felt so lonely because he’s always had Wonho beside him. It didn’t matter what time they came home, or where they went, him and Wonho always walked home together. Sometimes Wonho would put his arm around Hyungwon’s shoulder while they walked back, sometimes they would share a scarf when it was cold, sometimes Wonho would playfully race Hyungwon back home; today was apparently not one of those days. Hyungwon was still uneasy about what just happened, he never thought Wonho would ditch him like that for a guy they literally just met. He didn’t know how to describe his feelings, he was jealous but he couldn’t say he hated Shownu (yet), maybe it was Wonho that Hyungwon hated? He wasn't too sure himself.

He always thought he was the one for Wonho but he recalled the way Wonho looked at Shownu. It was different; Wonho’s eyes had a sparkle. It was something Hyungwon has never seen before during their years spent together.

_Have I lost to a stranger?_

Hyungwon really wanted to know how Wonho felt towards him, he wanted to know to what he was to Wonho. He wanted to immediately confess to Wonho how he really felt, how he wanted to be more than best friends and flatmates, how he has liked Wonho for years.

Hyungwon wanted Wonho to come home quickly so he could pour his heart out but Wonho’s “wont be long” turned out to be way too long for Hyungwon, he fell asleep on the sofa, the sofa that was small but perfectly sized for the two of them to fit in.

Unfortunately Hyungwon didn’t have the chance to talk to Wonho that night; when Wonho finally came home, he saw Hyungwon sleeping on the sofa so he didn’t bother waking him up. When Hyungwon woke up at midnight, he found a blanket on him;  
_Wonho’s home?_

It may be a sweet gesture of Wonho, but Hyungwon didn’t feel warm. Every time he fell asleep on the sofa, Wonho would take him to bed, but today was an exception.  
Hyungwon felt like Wonho was trying to avoid him, he really wanted to talk to Wonho but was worried that it would make him seem desperate, which he was to be honest. _Will I seem too pushy? What if I scare him away?_  
He thought maybe he was just overreacting, maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought, maybe Wonho didn’t mean to ditch him. He told himself to try and forget about what happened today and confess to Wonho at a good timing.

The next morning everything seemed to have gone back to normal; Wonho still cooked breakfast and tried to wake up Hyungwon in the mean time, Hyungwon’s toothbrush was still prepared, just like their usual routine.

The only difference was that Hyungwon was easier to wake up today. He returned to his room after he woke up at midnight but he couldn’t sleep well, he woke up before his pointless alarms but waited for Wonho to come in to wake him up, hoping he would anyway. He nervously waited, he really hoped Wonho would come in like usual because if he didn’t, it probably meant their relationship has changed.

Few moments later, the door opened, he quickly closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. Wonho like usual, slipped into his bed and attempted to wake up the secretly awake Hyungwon. Hyungwon was glad he did so and ‘woke up’ quickly, a little too quickly than usual since he underestimated the time he usually took to get up, he was lucky Wonho didn't think much about it.

During breakfast their conversations sounded normal, no awkwardness, Wonho seemed happy, everything seemed to have returned back to normal until something caught Hyungwon’s eyes. Wonho made an extra portion of food and put in a tupperware on the counter, it was something he's never done before.

"What's that tub for?” Hyungwon asked innocently.  
"Oh it's for Shownu." He froze at the mention of Shownu's name.  
"...Shownu?"  
"Yeah he hasn’t had time to pop to the supermarket yet and he doesn’t cook.”  
Wonho seemed to know quite a lot about Shownu already, Hyungwon felt threatened how they got along so quickly, he regretted not joining them yesterday.  
“Where did you guys go yesterday?” He tried to sound as casual as possible.

Wonho explained how they showed Shownu where different study rooms and the library were, where the shops were, which fast food shops were better and that they took him to the cafe around the corner where they sometimes hung out after lectures or during their free periods.

“So… He’ll be hanging around with us from now on?”  
_Please say no, please._

“Yeah,”  
_Oh no._  
“You know, he’s new and doesn’t know anyone here, so it’ll be nice for us to welcome him, right?” Wonho continued ever so cheerfully he didn’t hear Hyungwon’s heart screaming.  
“Sure!” Hyungwon smiled back, trying to look at genuine as possible.

“So… What do you think of Shownu?” Wonho asked cautiously, almost as if he was waiting for Hyungwon’s approval on Shownu.  
Wonho looked ever so seriously while he waited for the answer which slightly bothered Hyungwon.  
“I haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet but I guess he seems pretty chill?” he said.  
_I barely know him but I think I hate him already._ What Hyungwon actually meant.

His fake answer brought a wide grin to Wonho’s face,  
“Yeah he looks kinda scary but he’s actually quite shy. Oh and he has a really cute eye smile too!”  
Hyungwon put on a fake smile and looked as if he was interested. He had no idea why Wonho was telling him stuff about Shownu, did Wonho not think it would make him jealous, or was he doing it on purpose? Or was Hyungwon wrong from the beginning and their feelings weren’t mutual?

Hyungwon was completely lost. _Shall I confess now?_  
But this moment didn’t seem like a right timing, at all, he didn’t want to push Wonho away so he hid his desperation.  
Wonho wasn’t helpful though, Wonho wanted to go into uni a bit earlier so he could give Shownu his breakfast which Hyungwon had no choice but to agree.

On their way to uni Wonho completely neglected Hyungwon since he was too busy smiling at his phone. When they arrived at the study room where Shownu, Jooheon and Changkyun were at, Jooheon was surprised to see them;  
“Oh hyung? What are you two doing here?”  
Jooheon’s surprise slightly concerned Hyungwon, so he was texting Shownu all that time?  
Wonho shyly walked to them and handed the tupperware to Shownu;  
“To feed this guy here, he said he doesn’t cook so I made him some extra food.”  
“Oh hyung you’ve never even cooked for us!!” Pointing at himself and Changkyun, Jooheon pretended to be offended.  
Wonho playfully lifted his hand as if he was going to hit Jooheon:  
“Stop being a big baby!”  
They all laughed as Jooheon continued with his cute whining, except Hyungwon, who was standing near the door alone while staring into Wonho’s back.

Hyungwon didn’t understand, Shownu was supposed to be the new one here but he felt like an outsider. He suddenly felt so distant to them especially Wonho and he suddenly felt his eyes watering, he really did not want to cry in front of them but was unable to control the tears from falling. He looked down and quickly wiped it before anyone can see.

But too late. Changkyun saw it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God... This chapter is really bad.... I started writing the ending first so I have no idea what to do for the first few chapters.... I'm sorry.


	3. Three

 

For once Hyungwon was not sleepy in their lecture, in fact he has probably never been so awake in the morning, but he just had too much going on in his mind. He couldn’t help but to steal glances at Wonho who was busy texting Shownu under the desk. It seemed like Wonho didn’t even try to text sneakily, he was so obvious since who the hell would stare and grin at their crotch during lectures.

 

The evil side of Hyungwon hoped the professor would catch Wonho, he was tempted try and get the professor’s attention but he was too nice to do so.

 

The professor looked at their direction and seemed to have caught Wonho who was too busy to notice, for a moment Hyungwon thought his prayers were heard. But the professor soon looked away. It wasn’t rare that students text in lectures so the professor usually let them off, until they get too distracted. Which Wonho was to be honest, he wasn’t even aware of how bright he teeth looked with his phone’s light shining onto his face, especially when the lights in the hall were dimmed. The professor’s lenience started to piss Hyungwon off.

 _Just look over here and stop him from texting damn it!_ Hyungwon thought to himself as he brushed his hair with his fingers and took a deep breath irritatedly. 

 

Maybe Hyungwon’s actions were too obvious or maybe Wonho’s pearly teeth were too bright to ignore, the professor looked over again to see the still texting Wonho, unimpressed, the professor paused. Trying to hide his satisfaction, Hyungwon lightly nudged Wonho’s arm to get his attention. 

 

When Wonho’s eyes finally moved away from his phone he noticed how the whole lecture hall was staring at him.

“You’re an adult, you don’t need me to tell you off for texting, do you?” The professor rhetorically asked.

Wonho apologised as he put his phone away and gave Hyungwon an embarrassed look while Hyungwon tried to hide his joy.

 

Wonho might have stopped texting, but the phone that’s now in his pocket still vibrated every now and then, maybe due to his sudden irresponsiveness.

Hyungwon could tell that Wonho was tempted to take out his phone by how fidgety he got, Hyungwon actually found it pretty amusing to watch.

Time went by ever so slowly for the helpless Wonho, he repeatedly looked at his watch as if it would magically shorten the lecture time.

 

When lecture finally ended, Wonho whopped out his phone while they gathered their stuff, Hyungwon couldn’t help but to take a peep, as expected, all the notifications were messages from Shownu.

“Hey let’s go to the cafe after our next seminar.” Wonho suggested, but kept his eyes on his phone.

“Shall we take the books out from the library first?”

“But Shownu’s already at the cafe since he’s free this morning, we can get it later, don’t worry.” Wonho explained.

Wonho’s 'Shownu this, Shownu that' really annoyed Hyungwon but he tried to hide it with a forced smile and agreed.

_I’m the one next to you, but all you think about is him? Can you not see how painful my smile is?_

 

Hyungwon honestly could have rejected, after all, those books were essential for all the final year law students but only a handful of copies were available, but Wonho didn’t seem to care too much since Shownu was apparently all that mattered to him at this moment.

 

Hyungwon just complied out of habit; a bad habit. A bad habit that Hyungwon sometimes wished he could get rid of, but Hyungwon loved Wonho, he didn’t mind doing things he didn’t like, as long as Wonho was happy. He felt like by doing this at least he wouldn’t push Wonho away.

 

Hyungwon may be smart intellectually, but he was foolish in relationships.

He has always focused on how not to push Wonho away, but never took the initiative to make a move on Wonho. He should know that you can’t win a battle by just defending, you have to attack too. If you keep enduring and accepting other’s requests, people would take it for granted; conforming too often spoils the other person, like how Wonho sometimes forgot about Hyungwon’s feelings because he knew Hyungwon doesn't reject any of his demands.

 

Hyungwon should learn that it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes, he should think about himself a bit more and treat himself better because he deserved it.

 

——

 

They got to the cafe at the speed of lightning as Wonho basically made Hyungwon sprint with him. Wonho excitedly swung open the cafe door and quickly scanned the busy cafe for the man he’s been anticipating to see all morning, the man sat with his back facing the door but his broad shoulders were easy to recognise. Next to Shownu was another familiar back;  someone Wonho and Hyungwon knew very well. The guy wore his snapback backwards today, almost as if him and Shownu could lean on each other more comfortably while they chatted and laughed, just like a dating couple. Hyungwon saw Wonho’s slight hesitation to walk closer and suddenly felt sorry for Wonho, because he knew very well how Wonho must have felt at that moment.

 

“Oh over there.” Pretending not to notice Wonho’s reaction, Hyungwon faked as helightly tugged on to Wonho’s arm as they walked up to the other two’s table,

“Hey~” Hyungwon greeted as Wonho and he sat down.

“Oh. H-hey hyung!” Surprised at Hyungwon and Wonho’s sudden appearance, Jooheon awkwardly greeted back as he quickly sat up straight, away from Shownu’s shoulder. He tried to act normal while avoiding eye contact with Wonho, like a naughty child who got caught by their mother.

“Oh hyung that was quick, did you guys run here?” Jooheon laughed, trying to ease the tension.

 

“Did you not want to see us?” Wonho snapped and stared at the uneasy Jooheon.

“He’s just surprised you got here so quickly.” Shownu defended Jooheon.

“H-hyung, I was j-just… Hyungwon hyung told me you were going to the library after your seminar, so I just…”

“Yeah we’re gonna go later." Hyungwon came to Jooheon's rescue and changed the subject, "Hey, have you guys ordered anything? I’m kinda hungry.” 

“We ordered the jumbo mango bingsu to share between us.” Shownu answered.

 

“Do you want to order something else?” Hyungwon turned to asked Wonho, Shownu thought Hyungwon was being spiteful to him for a moment.

“Wonho’s allergic to mangoes, he’ll get hives.” Hyungwon cleared up.

Not wanting to upset Shownu, Wonho convinced them that he’ll be alright if he didn’t eat too much.

 

But Hyungwon knew he wouldn’t be alright. Hyungwon knew he was lying, he has witnessed Wonho’s allergic reactions before, he was certainly not alright. Hyungwon didn’t understand, Wonho saw Shownu and Jooheon flirting with his own eyes moments ago, but not only he was not angry with Shownu, he was willing to eat something he was allergic to just so he wouldn’t upset Shownu.

 

 _Is Shownu really that important to you? What’s so special about him?_ Hyungwon didn’t understand why Wonho was so willing to do anything for Shownu. He kept looking at Shownu, examining him; personality wise, Shownu seemed pretty polite, but Hyungwon didn’t appreciate how he flirted with different guys. Appearance wise, surely Shownu had a great body, but so did Wonho, weren’t opposites the ones that attract? Hyungwon wanted to know why Wonho was so crazy over Shownu, he wanted to know what Shownu has that’s better than him.

 

When the bingsu arrived, Wonho knew he fucked up. It wasn’t called a “Jumbo bingsu” for no reason, it was the cafe’s special item; not only it was big enough for four people and filled with diced mangoes, it also had mango juice poured all over. Might sound like a heaven to many people, but for Wonho, it was the bingsu of hell.

 

The cafe’s generosity made it impossible for Wonho to avoid the mangoes, but he should have known better since the cafe’s generosity was what attracted him in the first place. He shouldn’t have been so dumb trying to please Shownu like that, but people often do foolish things when they’re in love, or think they are in love. Hyungwon was no different to be honest.

 

Wonho couldn’t make it to their last seminar of the day as the hives appeared on his arms and back within minutes of eating the bingsu. They were too itchy and irritating, Wonho had to go home early to rest. Since Wonho was absent, Hyungwon skived and headed to the library, he was lucky enough to get hold of most books they needed, some were slightly worn out but it didn’t matter as long as they didn’t have to buy it themselves, students are poor after all.

 

Just as he stepped out of the building, Hyungwon felt his phone vibrate. Slightly struggling to balance the stack of books between his hand and his chin, he clumsily took out his phone, a message from Wonho:

“Hey Hyungwonie go to the pharmacy and get me that cream I use please.”

 

 

_Why do you only think of me when you need something?_

 

Hyungwon was upset about Wonho, but he was more upset about himself. He felt like he spoilt Wonho too much. It wasn’t a matter of not knowing when to say no to Wonho, Hyungwon simply never said no. He wished he was stronger, he wished he was braver, he wished he told Wonho how he really felt. He knew he was too kind, the kindest people get hurt the most because they’d rather be hurt than to hurt others.

 

Still trying to balance the stack of books, Hyungwon clumsily put away his phone. Heading towards the pharmacy to get Wonho's itch relief cream, he heard a deep, husky voice shout his name from behind,

“Hyungwon hyung!”

Hyungwon turned and saw a small figure run to him.

“Seems like you need a hand with these.” The smaller man said as he took a few books from Hyungwon’s hand.

 

“Oh hi Changkyun, thanks.” Hyungwon greeted as they started to walk along.

“How come you’re alone hyung? And don’t you live that way?” The younger man signalled the opposite direction with his head.

“Wonho’s not well so I came to get these books myself. And I have to go to the pharmacy for Wonho. What about you? What are you doing?”

“I reserved some books a while ago but kept forgetting to collect them, today’s the last day.”

“Oh. Do you want to go take them out first? I can manage.” Hyungwon felt bad for letting Changkyun help him.

 

“Nah, they’re not that important anyway. I just thought they’ll make my reference list look better. I can always make it up anyway.” Changkyun laughed, making Hyungwon feel less guilty.

 

The two didn’t talk much since they weren’t that close, but the quiet atmosphere was surprisingly pleasant. The two enjoyed each other’s company even though it’s the first time the two has ever been alone.

 

In fact Hyungwon felt amazingly comfortable like this, it was something he has never felt when he was with Wonho…

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally updated this... I tried to write a longer chapter but failed lol.


	4. HIATUS

Hi all,

I'm sorry I haven't been updating this but I have been and will be very busy for the rest of this year so I don't think I will be updating this anytime soon.

I want to thank those who have subscribed. And those who have shown support by commenting and giving kudos to this badly written story! I love you all haha <3

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this since there's not enough Monsta X fanfics!
> 
> Sorry that it's badly written....
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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